Favorite quotes from the Lorne raw footage/calls

It's that baby talk he does. I can't get it out of my head. Every time I think about him talking like that to an imaginary 13-year-old girl I erupt with laughter. I'll be laughing hysterically at work, and people will want to know why. I say I'm listening to Lorne, but they don't get it.

My favorite is Are you anxious to touch my penis? The way he said it in one of the phone call is so creepy.

Before the Ramona Calls went south, there were some funny quotables in that. My favorites being “Because I’m a fucking sex offender!” followed by, “I’m NAWT a fucking sex offender!”

THIS!  I love this quote so much and everything that surrounds it before and after it was said.  It's just so perfectly absurd and hilarious.  Even the decoy laughs in disbelief (sing to you?) but what really makes this moment so great is the painful awkward silence a few seconds before where it seems to me both Lorne and Kayla wanted to say something no clue how to further the conversation both make little umph noises like they are about to speak but shutdown then Lorne blurts out greatness.  And even the line itself is just a tactic to boasts about his own singing which he has way too much confidence in.  I love it sooooooo much.  I also like the whole cigarette/why you rushing? quotes too.  I'm also partial to that one quote where I have no clue what Lorne is saying from I think the 3rd call something like "I was waiting umnph yard I'm waiting for you to call precious!" that's a good one. 



From the Raw footage my all time favorite is still the Lorne/Kayla back and forth about Kayla's nervousness (not as bad as you thought you would be; not as bad). Also "this is what I was 'fraid of", "snawt" and Lorne's incoherent mumbling to Hansen's question what makes a man drive up from Nashville for sex? Well, I di..mghmm uhnmm uhm LORNE!

From the police interview it's "I operate a Lull" although it's hard for me to pick a favorite here because everything is great just because the quotes are said through Lorne's tearful and whimpering voice and usually followed by a crying squeak.  Also "Yessir you will go to jail tonight, that's one thing I will not do is lie to you, you will go to jail tonight".


My favorite prank calls (done by candidfellow) are both the Netflix calls and the one where Lorne calls some sort of trucking agency (TA service center) and the guy keeps hanging up on Lorne.  Lorne asks the guy did his phone die on him or something and the guy clearly annoyed responds something along the lines of "I hung up on you Mr. Baloney because you weren't making any sense, talking about a job interview and pulling up at 8:30; It's gonna be a white truck!" lawl. 

It does seem to be, like most of his conversation starters with Kayla, a ploy to talk about himself.

BALONEY

Aside from all the usuals, I can't decide if my favourite exchange is when the police tell Lorne that he will go to jail, or during one of the Ramonuh calls:

• Ramona: "So you bought condoms the night you went to the sting house, but you didn't intend on sleeping with the person there?"
  
  
• Lorne: "Nnnndoooohhh" [Lorne.exe has stopped working]

... After talking non-stop about having sex with her and stating numerous times that he's specifically buying condoms on his way over so that she won't get pregnant... nah, it's all just a set up by NBC trying to chase ratings. We're such idiots for thinking he was actually trying to rape a child! 

Ah!  The moment 'The Best Day of Lorne Armstrong's Life' became 'The Worst Day of Lorne Armstrong's Life.'

Thus far, I don't believe any of the people who have interacted with Lorne in the recordings we've heard have - upon Lorne giving his "I always had condoms defence - brought up this line from the Southern Aphrodite calls.  That straight-out proves that he's lying, but not one of them has mentioned it.  I think they either didn't know, or forgot.  People talk about what they wish did or didn't happen with Lorne phone calls or texts, but to me, this looms as the most important item I wish had been handled differently.  I wish that each time Lorne gave his lie about always having condoms and only bringing them coincidentally, the person he was telling that to shot him down by mentioning the line in the phone call.  Or, better yet, PLAYING it for him!

EDIT:  Wait, did Ramona mention it once?  After I posted this message and walked away, something tickled in the back of my Swiss Cheese-style brain.

YES YES YES!!!!!  I've previously brought this up in several discussion forums, and it usually received a tepid response from our community (e.g., well, Lorne well never admit anything anyway, so who cares, etc.).  This decisively shoots down his 'plausible deniability' response that he was merely restocking his supply of condoms.  I've heard Lorne go with the restocking defense several times, but I haven't heard anyone confront him with this line.

Personally I love the moment Lorne sees Chris walk in. I wonder what was going through his head looking at Casey sitting there on the arm of that chair, as hot as a midsummer day, and on his birthday. HIS BIRTHDAY, for the love of Christ. I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching the uncut version of the video (bless your heart, Ember).

I've tried several times to imagine myself in Lorne's shoes as the chatlog is read back to him. I love Chris's 'Help me out...!' And then the final smash of the wrecking ball--the camera crews come out. I don't think Lorne even realized Kayla wasn't real until well after the interrogation at the PD--I'm almost certain that throughout the entire interview with Chris he still thought she was real (and was puzzled as to how and why she acted as if nothing was wrong up until Chris' entrance).