Post by InstantKarma on Apr 6, 2024 21:21:05 GMT -5
Read this article & just had to post it because we've heard Lorne do exactly what's described here every time he's caught.
When you catch a narcissist in a lie
Self-gain and self-promotion are often at the heart of a narcissist’s lies but not always. Sometimes they lie just because. I had a patient whose narcissistic partner would lie about what he ate for lunch. Attorney Rebecca Zung writes about what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.
When you catch a narcissist in a lie
Self-gain and self-promotion are often at the heart of a narcissist’s lies but not always. Sometimes they lie just because. I had a patient whose narcissistic partner would lie about what he ate for lunch. Attorney Rebecca Zung writes about what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.
The Four D’s
Deny
“It wasn’t me.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“That’s not what happened.”
They will deny any and all of your allegations.
Deflect
“You did this.”
“This happened because someone else did this.”
“Someone else dropped the ball.”
They will deflect the blame onto someone else—including you.
Devalue
“This is your fault.”
“You are the problem.”
“You caused this.”
“Your past or mistakes caused this.”
“Your past solicited this.”
“I did this because of you.”
In addition to deflecting blame, they will devalue you and make you wish you had never confronted them. Devaluing is a huge part of the narcissistic relationship. When it comes to devaluing you, catching them in a lie will be no different than dealing with any other conflict.
Dismiss
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Can we just move on.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Just forget it.”
They will sweep everything that is important to you under the rug. Your feelings won’t be acknowledged or valued. They will do this in order to keep you under their control and to remain in the drivers seat.