87 of 87

I would never subject a woman to Lorne for real, like face to face, but I always had this fantasy where a woman actually does show up to Maine to the point where Lorne spends some time with her, then she just flat out rejects him and doesn't have sex with him and leaves. 

She'd need to be like an MMA expert or something to make sure Lorne wouldn't try anything, but it'd be awesome to see him finally get a hot girl to Maine, have her take one look at the hovel he lives in and him, and just shake her head get back in her car and peel out of there. 

He just thinks sex is automatically going to happen as soon as the woman shows up and I always wanted to turn that on it's head. There's a few calls with Ramona where she implies that they won't have sex the first time they meet up and you can hear him teakettling and whining as he panics to think of what he's going to do if he's alone with her and they don't immediately start going at it. 

He has ZERO plan for life after virginity. He doesn't realize that if he ever does have sex, his life will still go on from that momentary pleasure and it's not going to fix everything in his life once it's gone. 

There's no "probably" about it.  After that moment, Casey became the new "Paula", he obsessed over her since then and thought they had a connection and you can hear in the recent Cas3y cawls how obsessed he is with (who he thinks) is her, and keeps referencing how "they've known each other for a long time" and "He's had feelings for her for a long time"

I remember the call where Ramona says they'll never have sex and he says "Excuuuuse me?!!" Absolute gold. Might be one of my favorite moments in the history of his catfishes. 

Probably 62 or some shit

I've always thought Lorne's obsessions don't work as advertised. For example, I have a hard time believing he was actually in love with or obsessed over Paula for 25 years, I think she was someone he could use as an excuse for his behavior first and foremost. As far back as the Ramona calls, he only brings her up to justify his jealousy and paranoia and with Cas3y he's only "in love" for 25 years because she's questioning if he's ever loved anyone.

Much the same applies to the Casey. I'm pretty sure Lorne's said he whacked off to the mental image of her (which may or may not be true, I doubt Lorne actually whacks off that much) but his insisting that he's thought a lot about her and shit? No, I think it's just more of Lorne's dimwitted, bad movie inspired cornball bullshit. Lorne maybe jerked it a time or two to but I don't believe for two seconds he had any other feelings for Casey until it sounded like a good line in his 87 brain when trying to woo Ember/Tiffany/Blueboy/whoever inevitably plays C4sey

You can quite literally hear the times when his brain hitches or outright breaks down for a moment. Lorne.exe stops working. Definitely agree there is more than just stupidity at play and I doubt it's purely damage from his years of drinking since there's nothing to suggest Lorne was ever any brighter.

There's a moment in the robot saga where jaimie outright says they're not together and he immediately follows up with "so why don't you want to talk to my P.O?". It's like his brain is a broken antenna unable to pick up any frequencies. He's definitely emotionally retarded.

And he definitely was always a nimrod as 87 out of 87 attests to.

He's unable to view other people as their own distinct being with their own agency in general(nor does he care). He tries to superimpose his FAS mushbrained delusions onto the real world and other people.