Would it be selfish to not go home this summer?
Apr 9, 2022 10:43:04 GMT -5
Amy Mcphetridge likes this
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2022 10:43:04 GMT -5
I've posted here before about my personal life and about my chaotic family life in particular, so I just figured I'd get some outside, unbiased thoughts on it.
As I've mentioned, my folks divorced a few years ago and my mother is still extremely bitter and angry about it, especially since my father has a new partner [she's adamant that he cheated, he insists he did not] and she gets extremely angry with me when I'm around my father and this new partner, often to the point that she calls me some pretty terrible names, such as a 'cunt' and saying I'm not her son and she doesn't like me. She'll later apologize but justify herself by saying she's sorry but can't change the way she feels.
So my father and his partner, unbeknownst my my mother, moved to a city about two hours away. Both parents have asked if I plan on visiting them this summer, as the school year is winding down. I'm sort of inclined to simply stay put, as every time I visit my family it ends in an absolute shit storm of verbal abuse/emotional abuse and stress. My mother has even told me that if I stay with her for a little while, she will almost certainly start up with the verbal abuse again, because, as she says, she can't control herself. And I dread the day that she finds out my father and his partner have moved to another city because, even though it absolutely does not concern her at this point, she will still lose her shit over it and take it out on me.
I've tried talking to our family about it, such as my brother, aunt, and even grandmother, but nobody wants to get involved. So it is unlikely that mom's emotional issues are going to be resolved in this lifetime.
This leaves me at something of a crossroads. On the one hand, I can visit my family this summer and await the inevitable shit storm that will follow, or I can simply choose to stay put and enjoy a couple months of peace. This would allow me to avoid the verbal abuse, but on the other hand I would feel a bit selfish for not visiting family when they would like to see me. I have advised them that I am considering staying here this summer and let them know they are welcome to come visit me, but do not think it would be a good idea for me to come to them. And not to play the victim any more than I already have, but they do often lay a major 'guilt trip' on me when I talk about not visiting them, so there's that.
Anyhow, I'm sorry to lay out all my personal business here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent, but I guess I'm just looking for an unbiased opinion. In a nutshell, it seems the two options are:
1. Visit family and await the inevitable shit storm that will surely follow
2. Stay put and deal with feeling selfish and guilty for not visiting family
What would you do?
As I've mentioned, my folks divorced a few years ago and my mother is still extremely bitter and angry about it, especially since my father has a new partner [she's adamant that he cheated, he insists he did not] and she gets extremely angry with me when I'm around my father and this new partner, often to the point that she calls me some pretty terrible names, such as a 'cunt' and saying I'm not her son and she doesn't like me. She'll later apologize but justify herself by saying she's sorry but can't change the way she feels.
So my father and his partner, unbeknownst my my mother, moved to a city about two hours away. Both parents have asked if I plan on visiting them this summer, as the school year is winding down. I'm sort of inclined to simply stay put, as every time I visit my family it ends in an absolute shit storm of verbal abuse/emotional abuse and stress. My mother has even told me that if I stay with her for a little while, she will almost certainly start up with the verbal abuse again, because, as she says, she can't control herself. And I dread the day that she finds out my father and his partner have moved to another city because, even though it absolutely does not concern her at this point, she will still lose her shit over it and take it out on me.
I've tried talking to our family about it, such as my brother, aunt, and even grandmother, but nobody wants to get involved. So it is unlikely that mom's emotional issues are going to be resolved in this lifetime.
This leaves me at something of a crossroads. On the one hand, I can visit my family this summer and await the inevitable shit storm that will follow, or I can simply choose to stay put and enjoy a couple months of peace. This would allow me to avoid the verbal abuse, but on the other hand I would feel a bit selfish for not visiting family when they would like to see me. I have advised them that I am considering staying here this summer and let them know they are welcome to come visit me, but do not think it would be a good idea for me to come to them. And not to play the victim any more than I already have, but they do often lay a major 'guilt trip' on me when I talk about not visiting them, so there's that.
Anyhow, I'm sorry to lay out all my personal business here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent, but I guess I'm just looking for an unbiased opinion. In a nutshell, it seems the two options are:
1. Visit family and await the inevitable shit storm that will surely follow
2. Stay put and deal with feeling selfish and guilty for not visiting family
What would you do?