Why Lorne?

Lorne never owned a house, never owned a business, and never made six figures. Those are all his bullshit lies.

You should never doubt Lorne or Mr. Penis. Remember, Lorne has so much talent that he can easily restart his septic business and make six-figures.

I think he comes off worse by saying he did have those things.  He's admitting he had a house and a six figure a year business but now he is sleeping on a floor because he's going to be famous.  Yowza.

Here's where I disagree. I'm convinced the thing with Lorne telling his nieces not to go in chatrooms was true or at least partially true. The reason why I believe that happened is Lorne was in chatrooms and actively looking for sex. In those chatrooms, Lorne probably encountered real or fake children and probably knew some older men were talking to these kids, because he was obviously doing it. He's also aware older men will try to meet up with them and try to hurt him so I think he probably realized if he's talking to kids, then other people can also have access to his nieces. They were on MySpace, kids at the time added whoever they wanted and talked to whoever they wanted, so it's likely Lorne was watching who they added. 

Why were the nieces within smelling distance of Lorne all of the time anyway? One of our nieces used to come over to our house when her parents were at work and hang out once in a while. I didn't monitor her every move and everything she did on her phone. She never asked for fashion advice and I never volunteered it anyway. Do you think that whoever the parents of the nieces were that they envisioned Lorne as the perfect babysitter? I would think that at least one of the would have known about the incestual fuckfest between Lorne and his brothers in years past. Not someone I would want hanging around my teen daughters.

I'd argue it would scare away any child (or woman for that matter) if some guy started making off-putting comments about their nieces. Lorne also bought them cell phones probably so he can keep tabs of them. I'll tell you this much, Lorne's siblings must be some shitty parents if they allowed Lorne to act like this and groom their kids to this extent. People claim Lorne wouldn't have tried anything with his nieces, I'm not convinced of that. 

lorne_a_20014 (09/19/07 8:49:55 PM): i got them their own phone too lol



I don't think he was living in an apartment in Maine, I think he was living in his brothers' house probably rented a floor. The same house Lorne claimed he sold

kayla_princess94 (09/18/07 9:19:37 PM): so u like got a band or anything
lorne_a_20014 (09/18/07 9:20:00 PM): nope not yet, i've only been here for 3 weeks so i'm trying to get everything set up

I wonder what he meant by that. Did he actually intend to set up a band? I suppose if a person aspires to become a famous country singer, setting up a band and practicing regularly would be a constructive step to take. But I don't see how that would go very well for Lorne, since he didn't even play any instruments. I used to play a little music with friends back in the day, and we'd all play some kind of instrument. It was just for fun, and none of us believed for one second that we'd make any kind of career out of it. We were basically still kids. And Lorne, a 36-year-old man that couldn't even play a kazoo, thinks he can set up a band? 

Is it possible he sold all his belongings and moved to Nashville, with the only plan being to go to karaoke dive bars several times a week until he was "discovered" by some kind of country music talent scout? No, even Lorne can't be that stupid.

To Lorne's credit, he was quite a poet, wasn't he? He would regularly write poems to his geriatric mother and his online love interests from sex chatrooms. 

With the proper musical arrangements, it could be quite a love ballad. And this may be a record for the longest block of writing that Lorne Armstrong has ever produced without direct mention of Mr. Penis.

i laid down in bed last night and couldn't fall asleep,
i could only think about you and how it was your heart i want to keep,
you're so precious to me, so sweet and so pure,
if there was ever anything wrong with me then you are the cure,
i think of the day when i'll be able to look at you face to face,
because that day will make me feel like I'm in heaven and in a much better place,
theres something special that both you and i share,
it's something so true and makes me continue to care,
if there was ever someone that was made for me then it's you because i can feel it deep inside,
so don't ever forget how special you are to me and that i'll always be your guy,
i love you my precious princess

Yeah, that's a good point. By 37, it's definitely going to be a challenge to find similar individuals who would like to get together and play. Partly because most men that age have responsibilities like work and family, and not a tremendous amount of spare time for chasing ambitions of country music stardom. Like you say, by that age, most people who still play in a semi-professional manner are either teaching, or they play on the weekends for weddings or other similar engagements. Like Jim Rauch. They could have formed a band together. Jim on keyboards, Matty Nash on guitar, and Lorne on vocals, with debut single, "My Precious Princess". Featuring B-Side "I Never Even Meant To Do It".

I can go into detail on this, but years ago I was involved in a band that had 3 members and we had musical backgrounds and we wrote and recorded our own stuff and it was work and we did it for fun.  The whole time people would ask us if we thought we would become famous, or they'd ask us why we bothered making music because we were "never going to become famous" and so on.  It seemed pretty odd to the 3 of us, because we weren't doing it to get famous, nor did we have the idea that it was going to happen.

For some reason in our society 3 guys can go out and play golf, or throw a football around without people telling them that they should quit because they're never going to be on the PGA Tour or make the NFL, but if you write and record songs you aren't just having fun and being creative NO NO NO you are "trying to become famous" and naive women will find you interesting (in case you become super rich, maybe) and people will feel the need to explain to you that you are going to fail.  It's pretty wacky.  You strum the guitar and sing a few songs at a campfire and people start asking if you're going on American Idol, or something.

Anyways, we actually had a modicum of success (well, super mild success) while working at it and having fun, that's all.  But I'll tell you at various points there were other people who wanted to get involved and they would usually start talking about how we planned on splitting the money we make and/or wondering why we aren't famous right off the bat.  Before they recorded a note they'd start thinking about what was going to happen if/when we became famous.  

At one point before we got serious about things I had a buddy who could sing and play bass a bit so I figured hey we'll deal you in and you can get 2 songs per album or something, sounds like a a fun thing to do while we hang out and drink.  Well, he took about 3 cracks at recording a bass part and then just wanted to drink and not work.  Fair enough, I figured (the lead guitarist who actually liked making music could just do the bass part, anyways).  So we are watching TV and drinking and some commercial comes on (it was one of those energy drink commercials) and Survivor is playing Eye of the Tiger, or something.  This guy, with total sincerity says "Why isn't that us on TV?"  I just shrugged when I wanted to say "Probably because Survivor didn't do 3 shitty takes and then give up and drink beer all day."

Funny thing is, years later after I had (for what it's worth) 3 albums with a band and 2 solo albums on a small label, some amusingly low chart success in foreign areas, a song in a commercial and some other "not making a living by far, but still kinda cool" experience I was sitting with this guy and another friend of ours in a karaoke bar of all places.  They were talking about a song they wrote (actually, by this point they'd been working on this single song for over 5 years) and how it was going to be a huge hit and they could be the song everyone is singing at this time next year.  I indulged this, mostly because I was sick of being at a bar but also to call their bluff, and offered to record and produce the song.  The one guy played bass and the other guy sang (terribly) and wrote amusingly awful poetry lyrics so I offered to play guitar and drums on the song and get it out there in some capacity.  I said we should get a case of beer and record this damn song, let's do it.  Both of them looked at me like I was nuts and decided they'd rather sit there and talk about how they could be famous, instead.

So I get Lorne's mindset, because I've dealt with it.  I'm no platinum star, but the fact that I've done something in the music industry is a laugh to these 2 guys who have done absolutely nothing but know they could become famous any day now (somehow).  It's one of the most interesting things I've come across in my life, I tells ya.

This comment took me on a fantastic journey. I have to admit, I was on-board with you up until "...you could enjoy... " and then I was in a time warp, because we were talking fast food, then *wam'* we were using chat handles and nicknames... I was forced to cross-reference my database to fill in my perceived blanks within. Quickly, I was able to understand this for the brilliant analogy that it is

This is the glory of the TCAP community, as I see it from my twisted viewpoint: a focused, deliberate interest is key to enjoying all the nuances in the threads. This is not unique, of course. Jim Rome, who I can not appreciate at all, and his posse are hip to their own esoteric jargon and references, and that's key to thriving in that community. It's an exclusive club inasmuch as the only way to be fully immersed is to be a student of the forum.

In a nutshell, great comment. I have been a Temple of tcap member for over 2 weeks, and rarely have I been at a loss for words.

I have a CDL. If you have previous driving experience on big trucks like military trucks they let you just take the test without taking the course. I admit it was pretty hard. And in my state it does come with a shitload of restrictions. I wonder how Lorne was able to pick up a CDL with that OUI still on his record. Well, I guess 5 or 6 years passed in between. And the state of Maine really wanted this numbnuts to have a job and stay out of trouble. They may have let the OUI slide.