So can we FINALLY put the virgin question to rest after this

Very weird hill for you to die on thinking that he has when he hasn’t…

Yeah, I mean unless he was a total douche in the army, they took him to see the "bicycle" that was previously mentioned. He may have NEVER gotten a BJ, but that doesn't make him a virgin. If he had money from the military while he was in, it's very probable that he used some prostitutes. Not everybody would pay for a BJ when PIV is more than likely preferred by Lorne.

Lorne wasn’t in the military very long, and the only place he was stationed other that Basic Training was in Alaska. I’m not saying there aren’t whores there but it’s not like the military bases in the States with strip clubs and massage parlors right outside of Gate 1. There aren’t that many people in Alaska, and IIRC, there are a lot more men than women. It’s not 50%-50% like everywhere else. That means that Lorne would have to compete with every other man for the available women there and Lorne is 87 out of 87.

Remember Lorne’s story about the time he stuck his toe in a woman? It’s the same story as the one where he fucked a woman in the Wal Mart parking lot. They were with Tony and friends, she blew smoke in his face, he blew smoke in hers, then they got it on. Lorne tells the same story while describing supposedly different events. It’s because he’s too stupid to think up new stories on the fly.

If Lorne ever fucked, he’d remember the woman’s name. He’d have it tattooed on his body. He’d be obsessed with her to this day. He’d have told all the catfish all about her, as well as everyone in Somerset County. He’d remember every detail, and would be able to recount every detail back. Anyone who knows Lorne knows how important sex is to him, how can anyone believe that Lorne isn’t a virgin when he can’t name even one woman he’s had sex with. Just one name. He can’t name one because he’s never fucked and he knows that he’s too stupid to be able to invent stories and remember/stick to them so if he gets into detail he’s just going to get caught lying.

It's a bait.

If it wasn't a prostitution type encounter, he would remember her name. HOWEVER, would you be proud of losing your virginity to a lady of the evening? He may not even know her name, he wouldn't want to know it. She was just a tool to get off and rid himself of the V-card.

Even still, virgin or not, he's not very knowledgeable. Getting some ass isn't go to change him.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

For me, at least, the humor that I find in Lorne’s virginity has nothing to do with my opinion of virginity because I have no opinion on virginity either way. The humor for me is in knowing how obsessed Lorne is with sex and how not having ever fucked for real must eat away at his soul. It’s not just being inexperienced that bawthers Lorne, it’s everyone knowing that he’s inexperienced. He’s still in high school, mentally. Still the runt of the litter, the last one picked, the one left out, everyone knows it, and every time he’s tried to prove everyone wrong he’s failed miserably and made things even worse. He’s still trying, though. Refusing to change, trying the same shit over and over and over again until the day he dies. The very definition of insanity. Exquisite!

I think it should be the other way around. Since being a virgin in your 50s is less common than the opposite we can assume that Lorne is not.

Would Lorne even be able to recognize a prostitute? I’ve never encountered one but I assume they’re a bit more subtle than “Hi I have sex for money, do you want to rent me for the night?” When Lorne was talking about his many supposed one-night stands, he’s always maintained that they approached him first; he’s also ranted about women just wanting him for his money. Considering how quick how is to buy someone’s love, if he ever did happen to have money and one of these women approach him looking for a generous john, it might be left unspoken and he would definitely think she was just a regular woman in love with him at first sight.

Like you said though, he’d remember names and every little detail he could squeeze out of her. So if there’s anyone, it’d only be Paula.

I want to know what sex is. I want you to show me.

Go on. Describe a blowjob why dontcha. Its hard innit?