Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2016 20:24:28 GMT -5
I used to take benzodiazepines on a regular basis for bipolar mania and anxiety. I never abused them, but they certainly made me feel good. It also made me sad that I had to take a pill to get my mind in a better place. Unfortunately, benzos don't help me anymore because I have taken them for so long. I gave them a break for close to a year but the tolerance never went away. My psych doc told me that it happens sometimes. There are times when I really need to take a pill to calm down, and now they don't work anymore. It sucks.
I injured my back earlier this year and was given a medication that had OxyContin in it. Wow. I can see how people get addicted to these industrial-strength painkillers. I was floating on a cloud. I only took three before freaked out and thought I was going to get addicted. I still have them, but it would have to be a real emergency before I take them again.
Back in 2012 I went to the ER for gallstones. Passing a gallstone is extremely painful. I felt like my stomach was being ripped out of my body. The ER nurse came into the room and said, "This is Dilaudid." She gave me a shot and for a few amazing moments I got high as a kite. The pain was a distant memory. Another glimpse into the mind of an addict.
Finally last year I had a colonoscopy. They knock you out with a light anasthetic for a few minutes to do the procedure-I think it was propofol. When I came to I was SO relaxed. Unfortunately, it only lasted for a few minutes.
Looking back at what I've just written I feel really sad. I envy the people who don't have to struggle with mood disorders. I wish that there was some way for me to relax and calm down without having to pop a pill.