Lorne Thinking Life is Supposed to Be a Lifetime Movie Examp
Aug 3, 2023 12:22:29 GMT -5
That Fawkin Dawktah likes this
Post by CuteBilly182 on Aug 3, 2023 12:22:29 GMT -5
It happens, to the letter. I was genuinely surprised; even after a crash course in TCAP+HL+Catfish, and all the borderline-insane delusions therein, Taken Abroad was the first thing to make me consider Lorne might be literally retarded. Given his unending attempts to escape his lifetime supervision, you would think this particular flight of fantasy - the kidnapping and vicious murder of a young woman followed by the use of her corpse for sexual gratification - might be something he'd keep to himself, or at least might infer could harm his chances.
See also Lorne, I mean Aaron, breaking into his therapist's house and murdering him. That'll teach 'em for messing with his heyad! A story in which a Lorne clone gets awl messed ahp before going on a gluttonous rampage indulging his worst impulses, after which Lorne himself steps in to absolve him of all responsibility and throw him a full military funeral, attended by his adoring family? Great look, better bring it up at your sentencing!
Then again, it was a veteran's charity TA was written to sponge off, and here we have a milquetoast loser going murderously insane after he and his equally goober boyfriend forget to wear their body armour into an active warzone, and sugar dick promptly gets himself shot ("PAWWWL"). It's not a very flattering work where anyone is concerned.
EDIT: Taken Abroad is also a pretty good (if inadvertent) argument for Lorne being a cock-starved self-loathing homosexual. I don't think he's actually gay, or even in the closet - i believe his more traditionally effeminate tendencies, like the crying fits and mood swings, and the cod-homo duckfaces/dancing, are just plain old lack of socialisation, probably the aftermath of bullying in his youth. As far as orientation, I'm pretty sure he's your run-of-the-mill ravenous pig with a predilection for children. A pedofilic male slawt denied, if you will.
But yeah, holy fuck, those scenes with Aaron and his dominant top PAWWWL lazing around their bunk make #1 homo blockbuster Top Gun look like fire n' brimstone Wahabbi propaganda. I'm only slightly surprised Lorne didn't have PAWWWL hammer his self-insert (bwaaaa!) up the ass before the big day, when they both forget to wear body armour. It's a CLOSEHNESH!
Now I think about it, forgetting your body armour is possibly the most Lorne way to get yourself killed in a warzone, short of drunkenly steering your jeep into an ammo dump, or keeping the grenade and chucking the pin, wiping out your squad before using your last moments of gasping agony to blame a criminal absence of mac n' cheese in your c-rations. Lorne could've probably written an unintentional comedy masterclass ala The Room, if he'd kept the story to Iraq.
The "romance" *dry heave* elements of the story are pure saccharine Lifetime shite, but there's a dynamite army-themed black comedy in there, too. Unintended, ofc, but The Room et al are only funnier for that.
And then, rather than executing Lorne, they keep the little manlet alive so he can entertain the men, women and children as a sort of side show freak.
"Dance for us, little man!"